It is the 10th anniversary of Bazaar magazine's existence and I, for one, could not be prouder. I have been a contributing writer ( though I was maliciously bumped off the list this month) to the magazine for the last seven years. And I could not be happier for El-Adly and Co. for making it this far. I'm gonna run through a review of this months issue, and I ask that you please allow me this disclaimer:

Everything said in this review is in good fun and I love Bazaar and the whole team... well, maybe minus A Woman Unimpressed...

We open the 10th anniversary issue with a solid letter from the team talking about Bazaar's evolution from a tiny 2 writer team to a solid 75 writers, from an insignificant 10 distribution points to a magnificent 150 distribution points.. from 20 pages to 160 pages (see Ahmed? That's why you need page numbers!).. I think Bazaar's new motto should be: To Infinite and Beyond! A la' Buzz Lightyear...

Kaelen Wilson-Goldie is apparently the new featured writer as she takes up about a third of those 160 pages... (not really) but she is featured pretty prominently although she doesn't make an appearance on the contributing writers list (hmmm... I smell a conspiracy of sorts..) makes me wonder who this chick is... no matter. I like her stuff.

Meghan McCabe talks about women marrying themselves... The topic is a little Dr. Phil-ish, but she brings the point home with her talk of women buying their own diamonds. And what's good is that she makes her point without sounding like a Destiny Child's song. (Question!) All I can say to this article is Amen, Sista! Women of the world? Raise your right diamond-encrusted hand!

Aidea Huxil comes next. Can I just say I think Aidea is the coolest name EVER! I think its her first time contributing too. Her name is misspelled on the contributing writers list... (Yes, I did spend way too much time analyzing the aforementioned list... becoming more and more peeved every time I passed over it without seeing my name..) Anywho, her article was a refreshing change from all the Kuwait-bashing that tends to go on in magazines these days. She talked about the reasons why Kuwait is so much better to live in than Dubai. Its because Kuwait's got soul, Kuwait's got culture, Kuwait's got a vibe. Word.

There's a detailed article about the British Festival that's taking place this month in venues all over Kuwait. This is the kind of thing I shove into peoples faces when they tell me there's nothing to do Kuwait. Suck on that, mofos! There is loads to do, such as:

-- Open-air Shakespeare, 15th and 16th of November:

The KAST are gonna be performing an open-air performance of Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Nights Dream' on the garden grounds of the British Embassy. I'd totally get tickets for this, if only I weren't gonna be in Paris on those dates. If you guys wanna check it out (and I suggest that you do) you can call 562-1701 or email dgregan@hotmail.com.

-- There's also gonna be a wicked art exhibition by British Studio Arts of the works of Endre Roder at the Dar el Cid Exhibition Halls, Jabriya on the 19th of November.

-- 20th of November is Poetry night in the Atrium of the British Embassy featuring poetry in English and Arabic. For tickets and info call: 939 2484 or email: britfestkuwait@gmail.com

So, come on y'all and let's celebrate all things brit! P.S. I suggest putting on something remotely resembling Burberry... so that at least you'll feel like you fit in.. even if you don't have the whole british thing going on...

Next came an article by newcomer Kuwaiti Hillbilly or as he's credited as .. Q80 Hillbilly... just for the record, I think the whole Q80 spelling of Kuwaiti is really tired.. and I preferred it the other way... Its an excellent article though. It shows the inefficiencies of the modern Kuwaiti family without being offensive. However, I will say that I preferred last months' one about the drunken rednecks debating the worth of a man. That one was hella-rifically entertaining!

Next comes a reportage, as they say in Lebanon, on Turkish Nobel literature laureate Orhan Pamuk. I've never read his stuff, but after reading the report, I'm interested to... God Damn you, Amazon! You are totally bankrupting me!

Dhafer Youssef is cute... and wicked talented by the looks of it.

Craig Loomis came out with another fiction piece. I'd like to go on record as saying that I think that Mr. Loomis is an incredibly talented writer. His pieces always resonate with me. Unfortunately, I found the first misprint in Bazaar in his story. Misbahs was typed Mishabs... funny, but wrong. Overall, the story featured brilliant feats of imagery by Loomis, perfect pitch and measurement of words, as well as a masterful use and understanding of the strength of nuances. The time he spent detailing the stray calicos' behavior, his literal obsession with the effects of the shading under the tree and his troubling analysis of the teachers' inability to answer a question were all beautifully done. I especially liked the references he made to the title subject, ancient civilizations, throughout the piece. I will say, though, that I found the ending to be rather anti-climatic and abrupt. In other words, after the beautiful lead-up, the ending seemed rather mundane and unenlightening.

Perhaps he meant for that to happen, but as a bona-fide bookworm, it didn't resonate with me.

....... There's an Arab-Jewish community in Israel? .........

We then traveled to the far-east with Graham Baker to review a new Japanese restaurant that's just opened up. This one is apparently "Located in the relative obscurity of the Al Khalid complex just off Baghdad street.." huh? Where's that? The review makes a few opportunistic jabs at the competition, like, "No ostentatious use of paintings.." i.e. jab at Hashi (Haschi? Hachi?) and their freaky-a** wall graffiti. There's also these two sly digs at Maki, "fed up with waiting for a table at your favorite Japanese restaurant." and "do not want to book a table a week in advance."... burn. This article also brought the tally of misprints up to three.

Bazaar in motion gave us misprint number 4. it also gave us a ridiculous and completely incomprehensible description of the Swan position... Thank God there was a clear example of the cat stretch or I would have gotten absolutely nothing from this article, but a good ten minutes of ooohing and aaaahing over the kitty.

Then came a review of the Iraq documentary "The War Tapes", which I think is a horrible name for a war documentary... Deborah Scranton, the director, recalls: "One time, I got an email to say that mortars had hit. And then I didn't hear anything for 24 hours. So I was sitting there wondering. "What happened? Did they all get wiped out?"" ... and if so, how will I finish my movie and obtain my Oscar? Ok, so that last part, I made up. Crass of me? Whatever, I'm so sick of all this Iraq business. It's a war people. Wars should not be documented like this! It isn't a bake-sale for God sakes...

Then came the tech review:

The Juro-Capresso Impressa Z6... try saying that five times fast. This ... thing.. is apparently a coffee powerhouse, it grinds, it brews, it froths, it mixes, it remembers what your favorite drink is... I bet it also somehow functions as a sex toy...

A bottle opener/fridge magnet... Next, we'll be able to open bottles just by looking at them...

Stainless steel ice-cubes?? WTF??

Laundry Rug... 'cos apparently walking over to the hamper and tossing your clothes in is too much trouble...

Imation Flash Wristband... Now that's cool.

The BrainStorm article gave us misprint number five with this omission, ".. as well as being the creative behind the Showbiz redevelopment." The creative what, people?

Alternative viewing was this weird long winded review on this film called falafel... There's this whole drawn out detailing of the movies' events and I start to drift off when finally, and only nine paragraphs later, we learn what the falafel connection is... it may be central to the movie, but it sure ain't central to the review of the movie. The reviewer lost me at this sentence.. "falafel once fell, like manna from heaven..." ok... At one point, I half expected him to go into a long soliloquy on Tou's unrequited love for the silhouette of the dancing girl in the iPod commercial..



Eating Better was this scary a** article about how basically anything that goes into your mouth can give you cancer. The gist of this article? We're all f*cked... Raise your hand if you knew that smoking causes bladder cancer... The things you learn by reading Bazaar.

Next came an article entitled Stretch it out, which I figured would be about couch potatoes because really, what does this article have to do with a picture of a chick staring at static on a TV screen? Whatever, I liked the article simply because it contained the word 'plethora', which is a wicked cool word.

That La Senza chick is hot...

Oh, look... the ministry's got job openings.. oh, no.. my bad.. its just a Gulf Bank ad..

Emma Staples review of the Salon Soho gave us three more misprints... As well as a practically orgasmic description of those chairs you sit in when they wash your hair, the new ones that lift your feet up and massage your back while you're sitting in them. Apparently, there isn't anything like it... uh, yeah there is.. it's at Pace e Luce'.

Tom McCarthy's Palestine's moving museum was an interesting piece.. although I do believe Rabah, the curator/inventor of this tripped out monstrosity, was high when he gave his interview... "Mostly its something to do with how one can make something unreal. The establishment of something, and how the concepts develop, and can we develop things through psyche or..." Rabah leaves it an open thought... I want whatever he's smoking...

Iran aims for bulls eye in darts... Apparently they aim for bulls eye in hell too... Dart boards in mosques? Seriously?

Barry Rodrigues' Life is too complicated gave us misprint number 8.

Why do the IKKS kids look like gangstas?!?! Chains? Skulls?? Really?!

A new green infused catalogue of BoConcept furniture is out. I've been singing the praises of green for years...

I call it vitamin M brought the number of misprints to 9.

Buy Damien Rice's new album 9, it kicks ass!

I want Sting's new one too, songs from the labyrinth... I think he previewed one of the re-workings of his song Fields of Gold on the TV show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip... but I could be wrong.

PAWS Kuwait has an article in Bazaar as well as an ad that I think everyone should pay attention too. I think PAWS is an excellent cause and I admire all that they have been doing to help stray animals in Kuwait. Anyway, they're organizing a fundraiser/yard sale and they need people to donate their old books, videos, DVDs, CDs, knickknacks.. basically anything you have laying around that you no longer want. If you can contribute something, and I suggest you do, email them at pawsq8@yahoo.com

Why does the guy in the Virgin Megastore ad look like a bad actor who's pretending he's just been shot...?

Artist of the Month, the article reviewing the "work" of Lily Allen, was by far my least favorite article of the whole issue. This chick can barely be called an artist. And seriously, Bazaar? Were these the best lyrics you could find to showcase?

"Riding through the city on my bike all day
'Cause the filth took away my license...
Everything seems to look as it should
But I wonder what goes on behind doors
A fella lookin' dapper and he’s sitting with a slapper
Then I see it's a pimp and his crack whore..."

Definitely Grammy-worthy, don't ya think? Who gives these people record deals anyway?

The article goes from bad to worse when this gem pops out of her mouth, "I'm constantly weeing on my shoes 'cos I have a weak bladder." ?!? Can you say TMI?

But, no she's not done yet. When asked to describe herself in five words, which apparently she needs to count off on her hand (just to be sure), this is her answer, "Not big and not clever." .. well, she's got the 'not clever' part right...

By the way, beware the Pumpkin Spice Latte' at Starbucks. 7tenths and I say nay. Support Starbucks in general, but holla at them for the Toffee Nut Latte' to replace this pumpkin abomination to the coffee gods.

Well, that was Bazaar's highlights... we got through it with only 9 misprints, which I can tell you is a helluva lot better than the competition (read: Dmag) that has way more mistakes (read: 30!) And besides, at least Bazaar doesn't toot its own horn as to how superior its knowledge of the English language is...

That's it for me. I will leave you with a bit of wisdom from Bell Biv Devoe:

Never trust a big butt and a smile.

22:00