Dear Yahoo!

We need to talk about our relationship. As you know, we have been intimately involved ever since I locked eyes on you. I was drawn to how fun and lively you were... not to mention that Yahoo used to be an uber-cool word to throw around. I put my trust in you completely, from e-mails to news to daily games of Mah Jong... you were my go-to site for everything.

But things have changed. I feel like you don't understand me anymore. Its like, when I try to embrace you, you completely shut me out. Why? I need to know... Is it me? Did I overstep my clicking boundaries. Because, honestly, its like we're speaking different languages.

And then, you had to go and change everything I loved about you. You used to be so streamlined and easy to navigate. And now, you've got stuff coming out of every orifice and it takes forever to get to the point of what I want. You used to satisfy me in seconds, now it takes minutes in addition to the inevitable wrong turn or two...

But I said 'fine'. I didn't shut you out just because you got a new look. Lord knows I haven't always looked my best in front of you... but then you started hanging out with really weird people. People who sit in oversized recliners in what I can only describe as 70's-style living rooms, talking to me about your 'star potential'. What the hell, Yahoo!? You were a star when I first met you. And now, this reject from the 70's is telling you you have star potential and you eat it up like Jesus crackers?

And if that wasn't enough, you start slumming with spastic, botox'd bimbos in tight tennis skirts! Come on, man... you know at least a dozen other Yahoo's have been in her hoo-ha... There's probably a reason why, despite her facial disfigurement, she is so "popular".

Speaking of bimbos, who is that fag in the rent-a-suit with the Yahoo that belongs at Chip and Dales? Seriously, why are you gutter-bumping? You used to be so classy...

I was willing to overlook all that, Yahoo! I really was, but then you started fucking around with Mah Jong and I'm sorry, but that just won't do.

So, I'm writing this letter to tell you that its over. And its not me, its you.

Since, I'm pouring my heart out, I may as well tell you that I'm seeing someone else. His name is Google and I think we're gonna be really happy together. Its like, even when he can't help me with something, he directs me to someone who can. He understands me.. he even finishes my sentences for me. We're mind-melding.

I'm sure you'll find someone out there who still believes in you, but I just can't do it anymore. I really can't.


Sincerely,

KrispyDixie

13:47