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La Verita
I am a half kuwaiti/half american girl living in Kuwait. I am perpetually suspended in the granite hollow that fills the space between two worlds... Not quite who I am, not quite who I want to be... Cat-lover, poet, music-nut. I currently hold a PHD in both BS and Smartass. In short, I pitch my tent in the median of life..


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Sunday, November 06, 2005
Am I setting the bar too high??

After spending years and years in emotional exile, I assumed I’d grown accustomed to it and was now proficient at being single. A few days ago I realized that I’ve been ignoring the signs all along and life wasn’t fulfilling anymore. I need a man. Seriously, being the only unmarried fully-mature grown up girl in the family doesn’t help either. I am constantly bombarded with questions as to when I am planning to get married, or why I haven’t agreed on any one of my present suitors yet- it’s getting ridiculous!! I’ve always dreamed that the guy I’d be with had to sweep me off my feet and rock my world. And none of my family members actually understand that I need to have ‘chemistry’ with the guy I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

Kuwait is hardly the place to hook up, I mean I was always thinking I’ll probably meet someone in college and when that didn’t happen I assumed it would be work. But now I guess I have to switch jobs just so that I could still hold on to hope!! Men seem to have it going for them; they are somewhat immune to the ‘I hope-I-don’t-end-up-a-spinster’ kind of insecurities that women tend to harbor. We struggle with constantly having to look good in case we run into that ‘special someone’ and he doesn’t deem us ‘hot-enough’ for him!!

Everywhere I go, I run into cute adorable couples holding hands, smiling at each other, dining together and feeding each other. It’s just so cute!! Can’t I have that too?? Am I the only one who’s single?? I’ve been single for so long I don’t think I should be in the market anymore!! It’s not that guys haven’t thrown themselves at me or haven’t constantly harassed me every time I set my foot outside the door, but I was just never interested. The idea of a guy harassing me like that in the middle of the streets is not my idea of romance!! Can’t the guys be a little bit more original?? Instead of following girls around and then shoving their numbers in their faces like they were animals or something – they should at least have the decency to chat a woman up and get to know her! And then they chase girls all the way to their houses hoping that they will get lucky. If a girl says ‘no’ it doesn’t mean ‘follow me back to my house and we can go in for a hot make-out session!!’

I think my main problem is that I set the bar too high. I was always looking for more. I never wanted to settle for less because I thought I deserved to be with someone I could fall in love with. I guess it hit me though that ‘it aint happenin any time soon.’ Come to think about it; is it worth staying single for God-knows-when just because I haven’t found the ‘right guy’ yet? Maybe I should throw myself out there more often and allow myself to ‘fall hard’ regardless of the consequences just so that I could climb back on the horse and know I can get over it and still have hope to meet the ‘right guy’ one day.

In moments of temptation, sometimes I think I can settle for a guy who barely speaks English, or a guy who doesn’t have a sense of humor, or someone who doesn’t make me feel comfortable enough to be around him….etc,. But will I really be satisfied knowing I had to make all those sacrifices just to be with someone I don’t even fancy??!! Maybe friends with benefits doesn’t sound so bad right about now- a girl’s gotta be satisfied one way or another!!


Excellent post, hun! Very nicely put together!

So you want to convert to friends with bennies?? Problem is, you don't have any guy friends you would be 'friends with bennies' with! :P

All in all, you know what I think about this topic.. you and I have spoken extensively about this very issue and you know what I think.. so no need to broadcast it here! :P

Just wanna tell you that I think your great hun and any guy would be more than lucky to have you! ;)

*your* = you're (obviously :P )

Nice post. It's kind of similar to my situation, except I don't have suitors to turn donw like you girls do in Kuwait. So, if I want to meet someone I have to put some effort into it, cause no guy is gonna come knocking on my door.
When I do actually have someone (like now) I am constantly stressed out about "Where this relationship is going to" and if I can't picture it lasting and having a future, I either terminate it, or don't even go into it.

Wonderful post :)
I'm not sure how the 'friends with benefits' thing would go over in Kuwait - probably not very acceptable ;)

On the subject of putting yourself out there: what about joining different clubs or volunteer organizations in Kuwait? Just make sure they're 'co-ed' ;) Not only will you meet more guys, bas you'll be more likely to meet guys who are interested in the same things you are.
Do you have friends who do have mixed couples parties? Encourage your friends to throw even more parties or bigger ones to go to - best place to safely mingle and be chatted up.

I know it's difficult, bas it's not impossible :)

Excuse me dear, but and here I am quoting "I think I can settle for a guy who barely speaks English ". are you kidding me?:) it that the scarify you would be making to have a man shares you the rest of your life?
Ya3ny the first time I read it I thought should he score certain mark before proposing like 550 in TOFEL, does she accept him taking IELTS instead of TOFEL? Would she ask him for GMAT and/orGRE :P
Seriously, it hard to make a relationship successful given that us (20ishs) are exposed to the western media which "brainwashed" us and took the simplicity of the link between a man and a woman. During the period of engagement and maybe before both of them show how independent they are and try to draw the lines. However, and let us be honest, the daily living between couples overrides any lines or pre-marriage boundaries. The bottom line here, look for a passionate and sincere man, because eventually that what would last.

Man Seeks True Love.

Krispy Kommando- Thanx for the support babe, guess I have to start by making guy friends first, then thinking bout 'friends with bennies'.
And right back at ch'ya hon!! There r so many gr8 women in q8 and not enough guys who appreciate them;)

q8sultana- Thanx. I know what u mean, it really sucks that foreigners (non-q8ies) have to invest in a relationship before knowing 'where the relationship is heading' and end up getting attached to someone who does not share the same feelings about marriage (i.e not the commitment type). Plus, u can't exactly ask that question too early...Good luck with the guy u're with now :) Hope it works out..

Mcarabian- Thanks for the great tips about putting myself out there! I guess if I really wanted to, I could- at least I would increase my chances of meeting someone decent (and with the same interests and all). I agree with u bout the 'friends with bennies' it's not so applicable here in q8 :(
Unfortunately those friends who go to mixed parties were with me in highschool and I kind of lost touch so I haven't gone to any mixed parties in over 5 years...

Real interesting post and I think a lot of girls have been there.

Don't worry you are not asking for too much... you see when the "right" guy comes along you won't get our your checklist... chances might be he will nothing like what you were looking for.

don't worry about being a spinster... we just place that pressure on us. Release that pressure... for example, i am 25 and I tell myself I wouldnt consider marriage before i am 30... but i might be married in a year.. i might never get married. don't have it as a goal... have it as a choice...

there is so much to say about this topic.. i just hope what i said can relax you a bit...

oh and i understand the whole part about him speaking english.. u at least want someone with the same background as u.. someone at the same level... same education.. much more relateable that way

Great post! For a while I started doubting myself and thought that I was setting my bar too high. I tried to lower it and I couldn't! By the way I tried settling with someone who's english wasnt as good as mine. I wouldn't reccommend it, its a whole different world! Best of luck, to you, me and the lot of us!

Have you ever thought that just maybe; just maybe what you and many women like you are asking for is highly improbable? Maybe you seek what cannot easily be manifested in a 'man'. And I do not believe that there is a 'right person'. They could be right for the right moment but highly unlikely right for a long period of time.

The real question should be: How much are YOU willing to compromise?

Rampurple- It's not so much the pressure I apply, but the pressure from people surrounding me. I mean marriage was never a goal at a set age for me, since both my sisters got married at 29. When they got married, they did it for the right reasons and so it wasn't just about the timing. Thanks a lot for ur input, appreciate it!

Delicately- Thanks i'll definitely try NOT to settle for some1 who's english wasn't as good as mine!:)

Tantalize- Thanks, I have thought about it;hence the title of the post (am i setting the bar too high?). But I do believe that when the right guy comes along -I will be willing to make sacrifices to be with him. And by 'right' I mean right for me, I'm aware that there is no perfect guy out there, but at least he's right for me (common interests, same background, reasonably attracctive etc.) It's not like I have a list that a guy has to measure up to. I don't think the problem is that I'm picky as much as the fact that I haven't 'put myself out there' and met enough guys!!

you're not setting the bar too high..
you deserve the best..
don't belittle yourself or ur expectations and settle for someone not worthy of u, u'll regret it ur whole life..

repeat after me..

"i'm hot, clever, and the dream of thousands of guys" ;P~

no seriously, just quit looking.. he's out there somewhere.. and i have a feeling he's great! u'll love him and u'll fall madly in love with him..

in the mean time, just have fun! and don't worry.. ;)

I agree! & I'm a guy!! Guess I'm the only one of our gender that finds chasing down girls demeaning (to both of us!) and down right disgusting :P Did sort of try to start a relationship with someone in college but was waaaay older (they all are!) & wasn't as English literate as me :( I mean I'm still 21 but starting to really freak out; I don't know how to 'chat up' women in parties, all I do is joke around :P I'm starting to consider mail-order brides..

When its comes to marriage, never "settle" for anything... it will only be the basis for weak foundations onto which a weaker marriage will be built.

When it comes to guys, hey, its not that much easier finding decent calibre women in this country, unless you show up to all the regular parties. Even then alot of the time its the same scene, the same people.

Aint nothing wrong with being single in Kuwait, especially if you're busy. Although the sexual frustrations have to be dealt with at some point. Like McArabian said, join some clubs, societies etc... make a conscious effort and ye shall be rewarded ;-)

Its not easy as it is in the west, but then again its easier than it is in Saudi i guess.

Good luck on your escapades and may the force be with you. ;)

Interesting and helpful comments on this post, Fireberry... All sound advice.

I think your main problem is the fact that you don't mix with a lot of guys who have similar interests and stuff as you do.. but on the other hand, I do think you're a little picky when it comes to guys.. You have certain ideas about how it should happen.. and those ideas sound a lot like hollywood romances u know? Love doesn't have to be as complex and dramatic as that. It can start out as something as unthreatening and uncomplicated as a simple friendship which somehow (and quite comfortably) segues into love. It can creep up on you and quietly attach itself to your heart, leaving you feeling entirely at ease with the new feelings that have emerged from such a solid foundation.

Maybe you should try being friends, I mean really good friends (not friends with bennies :P) , with a guy that you trust and care about... and just let it happen..

Bottom line: These things (life, love, marriage.. etc.) are already written.. so I wouldn't worry about it too much! :)

I got yo back, girl! ;)

Charisma, Entre & Krispy: Thanks u guys!! I appreciate ur support:)

7tenths: Mail-order grooms sound nice too!! Let's go4 it...

In the meantime I'm staying put, and I won't stress about being single too much. If it happens, it happens!4 all u out there wish u best of luck!!
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