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La Verita
I am a half kuwaiti/half american girl living in Kuwait. I am perpetually suspended in the granite hollow that fills the space between two worlds... Not quite who I am, not quite who I want to be... Cat-lover, poet, music-nut. I currently hold a PHD in both BS and Smartass. In short, I pitch my tent in the median of life..


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Friday, October 21, 2005
Friends by day, sex partners by Night??

A booty call, otherwise known as “friends with benefits” is basically a physical relationship between so-called friends who enjoy the convenience of just ‘sex’ with no strings attached!!

Sounds terrific!! But how doable is it?? Although the point of this ‘booty call’ is to let both partners enjoy ‘getting their kicks’ while maintaining their friendship, everyone knows that the girl usually ends up getting hurt. It’s practically impossible for women (with few exceptions) not to get their feelings involved. It’s a part of their nature – they can’t help it!! Women are known for being ‘emotional’ and they tend to confuse feelings with sex. On the contrary, this concept is much more convenient for men because they already think of women as ‘sex objects’ and this easily falls under that category.

In my opinion, the only reason anyone gets into this kind of f****ed-up relationship is because the guy believes the woman is a good f***, but not girlfriend material i.e. not worth the commitment. A woman on the other hand, goes into this relationship hoping it will evolve into something later. In the end, all women want is a commitment and it has to come up one way or another!!

Once she decides she wants a ‘booty call’ and he rejects her because he’s with some other chick, she’s bound to get frustrated and feel jealousy. Thus, the ‘emotions’ are out in the open and she’ll give him an ultimatum to either make a commitment to her and leave the other chick he’s been seeing or end things between them.
There goes the’ emotions’ again and we’re back at square one!!

Only a guy could’ve come up with a concept like this. Obviously the women are the ones getting the short end of the stick!! ‘Friends with benefits’ is simply a recipe for disaster!!


Great post, I agree with everything you said. And i think no sane woman should invlove herself in such a relationship no matter what.

It only ever evolves and turns into love in the M O V I E S, esp. those made in Bollywood or those called Pretty Woman.

I usually differentiate between the terms "friends with benefits" and "booty call".

I believe "friends with benefits" are just that. They're fun to hang out with just like any other friend, and then there's the occasional sex. As long as both people involved know exactly what is going on and communicate with each other, there should be no problem. I've seen 'Friends with Benefits' situations be successful and last for years. Once one of the friends enters into a real relationship with someone else, the earlier arrangement is called off. There's a sense of mutual respect there.

"Booty Calls" on the other hand, are a whole different animal. A 'Booty Call' person does not spend time with the lover outside of the bedroom, does not know much about the lover, and doesn't really want to be involved any form of relationship with the lover other than a sexual one. It's pretty much the fast food version of picking someone up at a singles bar at closing time. There's no element of respect, for either the self or the lover. I've met a couple of fellas who thrive on the 'booty call' thing, and they're pretty much lechs.

Just my two fils.

It would appear you have never been in a relationship like that. I know many women like that back where I am from, as well as men. The thing is, most women do that without it being public knowledge, while men on the other hand don't care who knows. It's the labels that are applied if it becomes public knowledge. For a guy, they might say "Ahhhh, big pimpin dude!" and for a girl, the obvious, "She's such a slut".

Friends with benefits are not always booty calls. I view a booty call usually as someone calls up the other person, who probably has some feelings for them, so they can get their rocks off (apply that to men or women, it doesn't matter), and that's it. This is different then friends with benefits.

If both people are capable of having that relationship, then the more better for them. Sometimes the men can develop feelings but they are not as verbal about it. Everyone expects a woman to get hurt, but not vice versa.

mcarabian & william- Regarding the booty call,u're right one is purely sexual and one involves both a friendship as well as 'the benefits of a booty call'! I didn't mean they r used interchangeably.

Alhough I haven't been in that situation, yet I do know that 'frinds with benefits' is not as easy as it sounds and in fact, it can totally ruin a friendship if the casual sex didn't work out! The arrangement of calling the whole thing off when someone gets into a seriuos relationship sounds reasonable i guess. But think about it, if u have such a gr8 time with this girl and u love hanging out with her as a friend and she's amazing in bed y wouldn't u be able to commit to this woman?? Why would u be satisfied to keep things in discrete and only enjoy these benefits 'once in a while' depending on whether or not either of u are in a relationship?? It puts way too many constraints!! A booty call in my opinion seems less confusing and at least u're not friends- there's nothing to ruin there!!

william-I agree maybe some men start to get feelings too, although rare but possible- either way somee1 is bound to get hurt!!:)

McA: You constantly surprise and impress me.

I also know of succesful "friends with benefits" relationships. I think it's a highly personal decison and not one to be entered into lightly. It's a risky scenario; you can never truly know your heart or the heart of others. All relationships are dynamic, no matter the beginnings... but damn, sounds like a good idea from time to time. ;-D

fireberry There are different reasons why someone would like to have sex with someone else who they trust and respect without feeling the need to enter into a relationship.

A good example are people with open marriages where one or both partners have sex outside of wedlock.

Unknown Heh, thanks :)

controversial topic there, A! but I liked it and u, as well as everyone who has replied, have very good points...

I do believe that women are the ones who usually end up getting hurt in these relationships and when u asked why, if the woman is such a great friend and so good in bed, why wouldn't he want to commit to her? it's true, what more does he want??

at the same time, I believe that relationships, in general, are relative things.. they exist in only so many boundries as you apply to them ...

Basically, it's a gamble either way...

Keep it up, C.C.! ;)

True, it is a gamble. Good sex can be just that, good sex. Hell, shoot for great sex in a relationship like that, but you get what I mean. If the people are capable of leaving it to having a good time, there won't be any problems.

Hrmph, McArabian surprises people but I'm just so predictable! (hehe, just joking)

Will: Ummm, a guy saying friends w/ bennies can be a good thing should be surprising? ;-)

Unknown: Actually mcarabian is female, I thought that was surprising too!!

Mcarabian: Btw been meaning to ask u, u say u've seen so many 'friends with benfits' work out, have u ever been in a relationship like that? Just curious.

Sorry, I guess my sarcasam and whatnot didn't come across clear in the post. I was sincere that McA surprised me; she surprised me because she IS a female, as am I. I assumed few females shared my opinion that "friends w/ bennies" could be a good thing. I was goofing on Will because he's a guy, so in line with your post, it's not surprising that he's all for it. Hee hee

Oh, and do you really expect her to answer that? Wow, now THAT would surprise me. In my experience these things only work out when they are kept mutually and respectfully private.

Waiting with baited breath...

Well I'm not gonna answer because that would be so predictable, me being a guy and all (hehe). I see nothing wrong with it though, man, I wish I was a woman just for the second it takes to say that so it won't sound so non chalant or whatever.

Will: Don't pretend you wouldn't take that one second as a woman to cop a feel. :->~

its all relative, every relationship is going to be unique, so cant ever rule any particular recipe or set of rules out...

who knows, between the two right people they might work. I also know ppl who have successfully implemented the "friends with benefits" strategy over time.

bon jour!
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